Well Hello There! I'm Nicki, and I'm divorced.

And I see you. Yes YOU, the one who’s divorce has her unsure of who she is anymore and has her feeling stuck. Alone. Scared. Lost. Exhausted. Numb. The one who’s divorce left her on a roller coaster of life and emotions.

I see you getting up everyday and going through the motions but not really living.
I see you struggling with a life you didn’t see yourself living.
I see you doubting yourself, wondering if you are doing anything right.
I see you living in survival mode but not really living. I see you wondering if you are broken. Or if there is something wrong with you. (There’s not by the way!)
I see you because I was you. And now I am here to tell you this doesn’t have to be your life.There is a whole second chapter of life after divorce just waiting for you!

Here’s the thing no one told me; divorce doesn’t have to define you. There is no shame in divorce. Instead, let’s use it to motivate you because it absolutely is possible to live the life you want (and deserve!) after divorce. Because:

You CAN reconnect to yourself after divorce
You CAN trust yourself after divorce.
You CAN get off the roller coaster of emotions that go along with divorce.
You CAN live the life you are meant to live, the one you see yourself living in your dreams, after divorce.
You CAN be the woman who doesn’t struggle anymore. The woman who is connected deeply to herself and oozes energy and vitality. The woman who loves herself deeply and is present in her life.

My purpose in this life is to help women during and after divorce heal their nervous system, allowing them to shift from survival mode to living a confident, vibrant life. One full of connection and presence.

It’s my mission to provide women the support and guidance they need to help them heal after divorce. To help them uncover limiting beliefs, regulate their nervous system, reboot their self care routine, and rediscover who they are.

My Story

When I was going through my divorce something quite unexpected happen, it was really hard. I didn’t expect it to be hard because my marriage was over long before I asked for a divorce. I truly thought it would be easy but soon found out how wrong I was. I found myself feeling so lost and alone, on a roller coaster of emotions with no idea who I was anymore. I had completely lost connection with who I was and what I wanted out of life, I had been living in survival mode for so long then my divorce cracked me wide open. Wide open for everything I had pushed down and ignored to come crashing out of me with a vengeance. The level of emotion and pain I felt was consuming. Exhausting. And quite honestly, scary. I didn’t know what to do with it all. But my divorce did something else for me; it reignited a passion and a flame inside of me that I forgot existed. It was this passion and fire that kept me getting up everyday and trying again. It was this passion and fire that led me here, to helping other women going through exactly what I went through.

Fun facts about me:

I have travelled solo to Iceland to ride Icelandic horses
I have travelled solo to Portugal to ride Lusitano horses
I have a horse of my own that I love to ride and jump, his name is Wyn
I love anything that helps me continue to heal and grow

Meditation
Reiki
Sound baths
Yoga nidra
Nature
Fun

I am scared of heights
I have a rescue dog named Roger
I am a single mom doing my best every single day
I lost my mom and brother, in back to back years
I still struggle at times
I take breaks from healing and working on myself
I drink the same green drink every morning, ask me how this little green drink changed everything!

Why do I do what I do?

Looking back it makes perfect sense how I got here, coaching women during and after divorce. Let me explain.

I have always wanted to help people, which is why I went to University and got my Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology. During University I met my now ex husband and looking back, I see how much of my decisions and life centered around him. I took up his hobbies and became friends with his friends, slowly losing mine. I didn't get my Masters degree because I would have had to move for 2 years and he didn't support that, instead I became mortgage broker because it was flexible for when we had kids, and he wanted kids.

My life became centered around him but his life did not become centered around me; he didn't give up any hobbies or lose any friends, or give up on something he really wanted to do. No, I did that, right down to selling my horse. And yes I made these choices, but were they really mine or were they because of the messaging I received my whole life?

What do I mean by this? Girls and women are conditioned to be people pleasers and to prioritize a romantic relationship. We are raised to center our lives around other people, specifically men. We are taught we need to sacrifice parts of ourselves, or keep them hidden, in case men don't like those parts of us, or in case they make other people uncomfortable. We are taught our self worth is tied to what men and society think of us; for example do men find us attractive? Are we "wife" material?

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit much of my identity became tied to whether men found me attractive, but I also wouldn't be here if I hadn't walked every step of my life, good or bad. And let me tell you, there has been a lot of bad. My need for men to find me attractive and "like" me led to many negative experiences with men, including two where the police were involved. These negative experiences started in my early teen years and continued into my 40's. I had this picture taken to show the pain of my experiences on one side and the hiding on the other.

My progression to helping women has been shaped by these experiences, including my marriage but it was my divorce that kick started my journey to today. It was my divorce that made me realize everything I gave up, and that I wanted it back. With a vengeance! And while I was rebuilding my life and who I was, I naturally started helping my friends going through break ups and divorce. I realized I was good at this so focused my mortgage business on helping women with their mortgages and people experiencing divorce with their mortgages.

This led me to listening to so many women's stories. I started to realize how similar all their stories were when it came to what they gave up, sacrificed, and how that was affecting them now, how similar they all were to my story. I started to realize how much of our lives center around men. I started to realize how angry I was at how society teaches us our worth is tied to our relationship status, if men find us attractive, if men this, if men that. I started to realize the true messaging of society and how we are raised to put ourselves aside to take care of everyone else.

That is what led me here, passionate about helping women learn THEY MATTER! What they want matters. That our worth is tied to nothing but how we feel about ourselves and choose to live our lives.

And that's what this picture represents, me saying no more to centering my life around men and instead living a life full of passion and purpose. And buying another horse, 17 years after I sold my last one because my husband didn't like my hobby. My horse brought me back to myself in so many ways, I want to help you find this too.